are there any other kind really?

Monday, April 23, 2007

face of the deep

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"In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and a darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters. Then God said, Let there be light; and there was light. And God saw that the light was good; and God seperated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening, and there was morning, the first day."

He'd never really gotten past that first part. He'd never really tried more than once of twice.

But he liked that first bit enough. It was kinda like poetry he thought. Not that he knew a lot of poetry either. But it fit his idea of poetry.

All nothingness as far as comprehension and a presence, a spirit of air and change, gliding over all of it.

It was all he knew of faith really. That image, that wind, that presence over the face of the waters.

He saw it everywhere. When the breeze stirred a field of tall grass into ripples. When the black birds swirled up into the sky like ash in the sudden winds of a coming summer storm. When the oceans waves beat stronger and harder with each pounding pass, like arousal feeding on itself.
...moving over the face of the waters....
He was on a drive.
A very long drive.
Leaving a lot behind, and hoping at best to find something to replace some of it at the end.

In a cheap motel.
The kind that B horror movies tend to start in.
He could have afforded better, but he was trying to be frugal. He wasn't short on money, not by any means. And he wanted to keep it that way. That meant eating a lot of sandwiches while he drove, and staying in a lot of crappy rooms.

He was watching porn on the little TV. It wasn't something he did often, but tonight he felt like he needed it. After everything that had happened today he needed something that would take him out of himself, and then put him to sleep when it was over.

He didn't want to deal with a hang over in the morning, so getting drunk was out of the question. And he'd never really done drugs, wouldn't even know how to get them. So that left porn.

It wasn't working.
The channel was srambled.
The colours were all off, and the screen was flicking up and down in wavy bars of what might have been fucking, or might have been boxing.
He'd seen the face across the water earlier that day. More clearly than he'd ever seen it before. And in a place he'd never wanted to see it.

In a mother's face, in that moment that she looses everything.

He fell asleep and dreamt troubled dreams.
Thousands of miles of pavement sliding beneath his feet faster than he could comprehend, and he couldn't slow it down. The road was open and clear in his dream, but he knew there was something just up ahead. He had to stop before he got to it. But he couldn't. He couldnt' even slow down.

A voice from the TV woke him up before sunrise.
The picture was still scrambled, but the sound was coming through now.
It was saying;

"In the beginning there was the watery waste of the none," the speaker, a woman, spoke that last word with an odd twist.
"...the waters drew back and the earth was seperate from the waters. And on the earth there was a great winged bird. And when He took wing He stirred the waters as He passed. Thus the god Horus was born, and thus did the god Horus take up battle with the serpent who would swallow the world."

He listened numbly until the sun rose and the scrambled documentary ended, "...envisiaged not only the creation of the world, but the end of the world, as described in chapter 175 of the Book of The Dead thus: 'this earth will return to the Primevel Water Nun, to the endless flood as it was in the beginning. And in the end there will be no gods, no goddesses, nothing but the face of the waters...'."

He didn't turn the TV off when he left.
He didn't close the door behind him.
He just drove away.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Rest in Peace Mr Vonnegut

...maybe it's because of where I am right now. But I'm sad today. Authors and actors and artists I like have died before. And I always get a little sad when someone who made an impression not just on me, but on the world, through their art, dies.

And I'm not a Kurt Vonnegut scholar. I don't claim to know the details for his life, I haven't read all of his books. I couldn't engage in a detailed discussion of his life.

And yet, today, I'm sad.

He seemed to pop up in my life at soft times. I read Breakfast of Champions during my last year of high school and my first year of college (they were the same year). I don't want to say something as cliché as "he changed the way I look at the world". But reading that book changed something. You know how sometimes, when you have a really busy day... like one of those 18 hour marathon days where you don't slow down a bit from the time you open your eyes until you collapse from exhaustion.... And at some point near the end someone asks you if you want a bite to eat. And just like that you realize that you're famished. Just like that you realize that you're ravenously hungry and in very real danger of eating things that were never meant to be eaten.

A moment before - before someone let you know you were hungry - you would have blissfully starved to death and not realized it. You exhaustion was strong than your hunger. Then someone reminds you that you're hungry, and that's all there is.

And so it goes...

Came back in a very low time and told me about ice nine, then, appropriately out of order, came back in another odd time to talk about time travel. And finally, recently, became a touchstone for morality in politics.

There are many many others that will be more deeply affected.
I don't even have the rights to a manageable share of this grief pool.

And yet.... I'm sad.

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Dear Kurt,

Rest in Peace.

You will be missed.

Tonight I will smoke a Pall Mall,
quietly and in the dark.
I'll stand outside
- even though it's snowing in April.
And I'll think about ice-nine.

When I was young and immortal
you opened my eyes and laid me low
When I was low and lost
you showed me quiet dim places -
where one could read a battered paperback
and be alone in a crowd of machines.

You outlived your demons.
And gave us hope that we can outlive ours too.
You will be missed.
You can go home now.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Yarg! These be cool pirates Argh!

What do you mean blogs are no place to promote pirates?
I take issue with that, you scurvy dog.
I ran across this animate short, and was totally blown away. It's just a little over a minute long. The official web page is
http://www.pyrats.net/movie.html

You can download a high quality version of the movie there.

Here's a youtube version. It's not quite as sharp, but you'll get the general idea.

I wish someone would pick this up and make a feature length movie out of it.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

remember that one time... in the bushes?

What can I say really, the video speaks for itself.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

F*@& you Mr. Sunshine

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Am I a morning person?
Good god I hope not.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, for the past two mornings I've had to be up before 4:00 AM, and in to work before 5:00... AM....
It's not my normal schedule, so I try to make it easy on myself. I pick out my clothes the night before, lay out a little breakfast for myself, get the coffee pot all ready to go - so that all I have to do is plug it in. And I go to bed early, read for a bit, and drift to sleep by 8:00.

Yesterday i woke up at 4:00 exactly, and I had my alarm set for 4:04. I stumble downstairs, and at some point plugged the coffee maker in and gave the chinchilla's their morning treat. I don't really remember it though. The first thing I remember is getting out of the shower. Everything before that is sort of hazy. I don't remember much of the ride in, but somewhere along the line I start drinking coffee.

And, heaven help me, by the time I'm booting up my computer I'm in a good mood. Yes... a good mood. In the morning...
I hate people who are in a good mood in the morning. I want to punch them in the throat. Have you ever tried to karate chop yourself in the throat? It's harder than you'd think.

I want to be a night person. It's cooler. All the hip kids are night-people.
It's what you're supposed to be if more than 9 out of 10 of your shirts are black.
And if at least half of them come from Hot Topic.
And when people ask you about your dreams you're supposed to get this far away wistful look and say "I dont' dream anymore".
You're supposed to claim to be an insomniac because after cafe mocha's and a chai tea you had a hard time falling asleep last weekend.
You should have no problem with people who say they are vampires - real vampires - but maintain they are still nice people overall.
You should be able to scoff, without the smallest waver of modesty, when someone asks "him who?" after you tell them about your favorite H.I.M. song.

And by Aradia, you should NOT, absolutely NOT be happy in the morning.

!!Karate chop!!
*choke*
*gasp*
*ouch*

Maybe... just maybe I can blame it on the massive amounts of caffeine I have on these days.

Yesterday I had a full thermos, and 2 refills from the cafeteria at work. Today I've had a thermos, and 2 of the biggest cups they offer at PDQ. And to bolster that theory, but noon yesterday I had a splitting headache. Bad enough that I was looking for any leftover painkillers from my last kidney stone.

Does that save me at all?

Monday, March 19, 2007

You know what's nice?

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Well lots of things are nice.
Warm spring days in Madison are nice.
Espresso Royale coffee on state street is nice.
Having someone offer you their seat whent hey get up to leave because they noticed you'd been standing by your wife for a while is nice.
McDonalds Shamrock shakes are nice. But probably because you can only get them once a year.... like morels... Is it weird for someone to crave something they've never had before? Like if someone had never had a shamrock shake before, would it be weird for them to come home and say "i'm craving a shamrock shake"?
Shortbread girl scout cookies are nice with coffee, and carmel delites are nice with cold milk.
Paperback books that fit in your pocket are nice.

But that's not really what I had in mind.
When you've been with a person for the better part of a decade you forget to look at them sometimes. You see them, you gaze into their eyes, you get infatuated with their fingers - and sometimes you spend hours obsession over their cuticles.
Sometimes you have to pop their zits too. Or check to see if a piercing is infected. Sometimes if you're really lucky you get to peel their sunburn.
But you forget to look at them. It's not that you're avoiding them, or trying to look elsewhere, but you quite seeing them as other people see them.
I think that's why new haircuts get you laid. At least it works for married people or long running couples. It forces you to stop and look at them all over again. Or a new dress, or even just getting a little fancied up for an evening out.
But I digress....
I took Ashley to piano lessons today, and since it was so nice out I sat out in the car and read my book.
Towards the end of the lesson this car pulls up behind me. I glanced up into the mirror "probably the Mom of the next kid in line for lessons" I thought. And I did a double take. She was hot. In that first second when I saw this beautiful mom I had all sorts of impure thoughts. Then I felt guilty and looked back down at my book. Then in the third second it dawned on me. That's my Sarah!
She had been having a bad day, so she swung by to see if she could catch me at before we left lessons (to ask if I had any cash so she could buy a shamrock shake).

When you unexpectedly see someone that you've known for the better part of a decade, and you get that moment when you look at them like you are seeing them for the first time, and still find them just as beautiful as you ever did.... ...that's nice.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Grandma got a what!?

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This is Sarah's story. But she's got all the good stories, and sometimes I get jealous. So I'm stealing it, and taking inappropriate artistic liberties with it. But for the most part this story is absolutely true.

She is a Grandma, but not the card playing type. Small and quiet, she's always admired the modern woman. The way that a modest stage hand admires the lead. She giggles discreetly at dirty jokes, but wouldn't repeat one under penalty of death.

She is as likely to take an impulsive turn into Hot Topic as The Yarn Barn.

She was on state street and passed a quirky little store that she'd never been in before. Feeling adventurous, she rarely feels differently, she turned and went inside. She took everything in. As enchanted with the little baby bibs that said "spit happens" as she was with the little wind up penis toys. And then her eyes fall on these cute little plushie toys. They are in all sorts of geometrical shapes. Round ones, triangles, and ones like curled string. All soft and fuzzy with cute little eyes and bright colours.

She snatched them up, and in a sort of drugged euphoria that only a grandparent sending whimsical gifts to their grandchildren can know, took them home and boxed them up. The next morning she kept smiling to herself, thinking about her grandaughter and grandson, who live in Florida, opening them. Her Grandson is 3, her Gandaughter is 5. Just old enough to think that Grandman is a little quirky, but still young enough to appreciate any gifts they get in the mail. Especially fuzzy colourful ones.

She sent them off, still smiling as she imagined their faces when her daughter - their mother - called out "kids, you got something in the mail from Grandma!"

She only had to wait a couple days, she'd splurged a bit on the postage, before her daughter called.

"Mom, we got your package."
"Oh did you?" Her grin sparking down the phone lines, bright enough to be heard on the other end, "Did they like them?"
"Oh they loved them, little johnny is chewing on his already."
"That's great, i was hoping they'd get a kick out of them"
"Um, Mom.... Did you look at the tags before you picked them out?"
"No, did I leave a price tag on them?"
"Oh no, it's not that at all," Now it was her's daughters turn to smile so loudly it blared out the other end. A grin on teettering on the verge of full blown laughter, "It's just that, well these are sort of special plushies. Scientific ones."
"Scientific ones?"
"Ya, they're microbes."
"Microbes? Like bacteria."
"Like bacteria. And you made an..... interesting choice," She broke, and her next words came out in between gasps of laughter that threatened to, "Mom, you gave you're grandkids gonorrhea!!"

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