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The bike ride home from work today was the hardest one I've had so far.

I remember the first day that I rode in this summer thinking, "huh, this isn't that bad, maybe I'm not in bad of shape as I thought."

And the rides haven't been that bad. I'm not going to say they're fun. I wouldn't say that any sort of exercise if "fun". I'll just never be that guy. I ride my bike in to work for two reasons. The first, and the weaker reason to be honest, is because i think it's the environmentally right thing to do. I drive my car less, i spend less on gas (i've only saved $15.75 so far this summer though. And my bike has been a constant stream of acquaintance needs, flat tires, busted derailer, needed a new safety light, new helmet...)
and I'm not clogging up the roads with another car.
I can do it, so i should.

The other reason, and the larger (ha ha i made a pun) is my weight. Or not specifically my weight, but the health problems it brings when I don't watch it. I have two pretty specific breaking points. And the lower of the 2 I get kidney stones. When I was above that weight I was getting a kidney stone every three months. That sucked... a lot. And the other breaking point, about 10 pounds above that, seems ot be when i get my pancreatitis attacks. I've had one big one, and two pretty little ones. Let me tell you, next to pancreatitis, kidney stones are like a warm cuddling session in january.

So I'm motivated.

I haven't weighed myself since I started biking this summer. I wanted to give myself a nice big surprise. I was saving it for a day when i was stressed and needed a littel pick-me-up.

I've been biking since the 2nd week of June, I've put on about 90 miles. Not a huge accomplishment, but for a guy who can only associate the word 6-pack with the Taco Johns 6 pack and a pound deal... it's not so bad.

Today was stressful, this week has been stressful.
The ride home was dreadful.
It was hot and humid, and for the first time when I got off my bike, my legs shook and I felt like crap.
So i shower and weigh myself.
and....
are you ready for it?
are you trapped in eager anticipation?
are you on the edge of your seat?
are you saying "good cheese christopher, just frikkin tell us already?

fine, here it is...
I gained 3 pounds.

yup, i gained 3 god damned pounds.
Sarah said it's probably muscle.
I don't know if I believe that.
And even if that's true... what the hell is the end game here?
I slowly become this knot of sweaty stocky muscle?
I wanted to lose weight. And without that, it's going to be hard to stay motivated. There's already this little part of me thinking of reasons I should just drive in tomorrow.
It might rain...
It's going to be humid...
I could get home quicker.
I'm worried about my tire going flat again (2 flats already this summer)

I think those little voices have always been there, but I've been able to shout them down with "I'm getting in shape damnit, leave me alone!"